We are all catatonic, the executives.
This week has been a challenge, and we’re not quite sure how best to handle and sift the mountain of actions and emotions laid out before us. It’s okay, that’s what morning meetings are for?
The agenda is some scribbles that turned into meeting doodles, and the CEO keeps staring out the window.
I guess brains get summer Fridays too?
The CEO and board are back from their trip away. It’s raining like a motherfucker out there right now, which of course, shoots down any plans for hanging out in a park that might have been manifesting.
Her 1pm phone meeting just got moved around, so she’s gonna have to move some other things around. Rather, one of the other executives is moving things around while she stares out the window and remembers the rainy summers at camp, and how they didn’t matter because camp was (is) the purest form of magic.
Also, there were very few outdoor activities at camp, so that made the rain mean less.
This meeting is going nowhere. I guess that’s okay sometimes. Better to get some writing done. The board member who really likes writing had the idea to port over a blog post from a previous internet spot and continue it here, and everyone is into the idea. It can keep living on and being very silly.
Meeting adjourned. Let’s get some stuff done today.
Welcome, everyone. Good to have you with us. I’m one of the board members, and I dance on the desk on Wednesdays. Mondays, I’m responsible for chairing the meeting with the CEO. Unfortunately, the CEO is indisposed at the moment.
I just did a perfunctory search for a gif of an ostrich with its head in the sand but its eyes looking out, and was met with a whole host of gifs of actual ostriches doing crazy shit.
And while I do highly recommend checking out some of these gifs of actual ostriches doing crazy shit, none of those gifs work for this meeting. For that, I am incredibly sorry.
Meeting adjourned! Have a great day! Even you, CEO.
BOARD: Heeeey, CEO?
BOARD: You see that over there?
CEO: WHAT OVER WHERE.
BOARD: Um, your to-do list.
CEO: What to-do list? I don’t see a to-do list.
BOARD: Um, the to-do list that you spent a bunch of time making yesterday? And just threw over there? THAT to-do list? Go get it.
BOARD: Fine. Now are you gonna update it for today’s to-do?
CEO: I can’t remember anything I have to do.
BOARD: Pick it up and try.
CEO: I hate you.
BOARD: You’ll like us better when you have a clear idea of what’s supposed to happen today.
CEO: NO I WON’T. You’re me and I’m you and I still hate you.
BOARD: That doesn’t make any sense.
CEO: Oh, just think about it. It does. I gotta go on a long walk for no reason. Bye.
My executive function has been anthropomorphized into a morning meeting that nobody really wants to attend and could probably be an email. The board members try to convince the CEO that it does, in fact, have to run the company. The CEO is still unconvinced at this time.
Side note: I brought this up to a friend once, and he said: “I’m imagining tiny versions of you in business suits and glasses kind of zoning out in a very messy office. One of them is dancing on a desk.”
This is an incredibly accurate snapshot of the interior of my brain at any given moment. One of them is always dancing on a desk. Sometimes it’s a weird slow swaying, sometimes a whole lot of bopping around. There is not always music playing.
Anyway, let’s call this meeting to order.
CEO: “Wait, we just did brain stuff yesterday.”
BOARD: “You have to be a brain today, too.”
CEO: “It’s not worth it, everything is terrible and so are you.”
BOARD: “I know, brain, but you have to try.”
CEO: “Ughhhhhh FIIIIINE. Fuck you.”
CEO looks around and sputters out.
CEO (to no one in particular): “Was that okay?”
We’ll see you for tomorrow’s meeting.